By Lauren Means • Photo Courtesy Orlando Andrews
Orlando Andrews grew up on a farm in Guthrie, Kentucky. “A lot of people, based on the way I present, don’t know that,” Andrews said with a chuckle. It was here, during his childhood, where his journey began.
He’s lived all over the country since graduating high school. He earned a scholarship to go to Northwestern University and after college graduation he found himself living in Atlanta. After a decade there, he moved around landing in California, Salt Lake City, Detroit and then back to Atlanta before his move to Tennessee in 2014.
No matter where he was living or what stage of life he was in, alcohol was prominent. Orlando said growing up on that farm in Kentucky, drinking was the norm. “It was something you saw all the time,” he recalled, “and as long as you didn’t look like a drunk you were ok.”
During college, he participated in the theater scene which led to a stint as a talent agent. He attended many opening night parties and other events that were heavy on the social drinking aspect. He was also a server during this time where he says the culture breeds alcohol and substance abuse. “It was when I was in my mid-20s, waiting tables and going out to the clubs, that I was introduced to cocaine. There was coke everywhere!” exclaimed Orlando.
“The party never stopped. It was the life of being fabulous I guess you could say,” he said. “I was still deep in the closet about being bisexual. It was hard to think of myself as having a problem,” Orlando said. “I was addicted to the excitement of it all.”
Restless in Atlanta
Around 2003, Orlando started to become tired of the game and decided to get sober. “I was done waiting tables because of the low pay and no benefits,” he recalled. His first experience with sobriety lasted a few months by attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings. “The thing people don’t realize about sobriety is that it’s not easy,” said Andrews.
He didn’t realize the amount of emotional trauma from his past that hadn’t been dealt with and removing alcohol left a really uncomfortable feeling he still wasn’t ready to face. In his experience, some people within AA will tell you, if you don’t think you are an alcoholic or an addict, go out and do some controlled
drinking. “So I did. And I was off to the races again,” remembers Andrews.
Instead of dealing with these feelings and traumas, he poured himself into work. He eventually landed in Detroit where he ran the call center at the symphony. That’s when it all started to go off the rails. “Detroit is filled with cocaine,” recalled Orlando. “I started to notice there might be a problem but again, I didn’t want to deal with it.”
To avoid what was bubbling under the surface, he moved back to Atlanta.
On January 6, 2010, he received a call about a friend who passed away after overdosing. That was the wake-up call to get back into recovery. He took this as a sign from God to get sober.
Change of Scenery
Because he was well known in the call center sector, Orlando received a call from American Addiction Centers (AAC) asking him if he knew of anyone who might be a good fit to work in their industry. After learning more about the position, he decided to apply. Within two weeks, he was relocating to Nashville.
“I didn’t go to treatment to get sober. I went to AA. So I didn’t know much about treatment centers,” he explained. This was a new experience assessing and scheduling people for inpatient treatment but it was a change he embraced.
He now works for Lakeview Health as a treatment navigator. His niche is looking at someone’s treatment issues and needs and then coming up with a treatment plan.
“We focus so much on getting people sober. A 30-day program here, another six-week program there. I don’t think people realize the industry standard is that 75% of people going to treatment centers aren’t usually still sober one year later. This is why having a plan for the long term is so important,” said Andrews.
Most people don’t continue on a path to sobriety. They need a treatment plan that is more than just going to an inpatient program. “Look at what it looks like to be sober and what you need to do and what other programs you need to participate in. If you do go to an inpatient program, you need to do outpatient as well,” said Andrews, “and that’s just the beginning.”
Emotional Sobriety
Orlando has been sober for 12 years and is now in another dimension of his recovery.
Growing up in a very racist area, he was taught that presentation and appearance were everything. “I had to be that perfect child,” he said. “That’s a lot for a kid. Where you are not allowed to be a child and are always worried about what other people are thinking. Looking like you had it all together was a way to hide the abuse in my household to make sure no one knew what was going on and we looked like the perfect family on the outside.”
Andrews was the “hero child.” By high school, he was president of his junior class, student council president his senior year, graduated in the top 10% of his class and was voted Best All-Around. “I was always under so much stress,” he said.
Twelve-step programs like AA or NA (Narcotics Anonymous) are good for the first two to three years but then you have to graduate to emotional sobriety – facing all that “stuff.” You face it a little during a 12-step program. Orlando thinks everyone should learn the 12 steps because they do help people get sober but, in reality, they have an even lower rate of people staying sober — around 90% relapse at least once. That is because many of them aren’t working towards emotional sobriety.
Orlando said that the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA) program has helped him the most. “You look at your family system and the dysfunction of your family system and start dealing with all the things you have been running from,” he explained. This is when he looked at his history and saw he used school as a way of “getting out.” Once he graduated high school, he didn’t know what to do because his goal was to get to college. “I spent the rest of my time running from things I didn’t want to look at.”
It takes being sober to get to this point. “It is the emotional sobriety that enables us to thrive in our lives and not just survive.”
“Even though sobriety seems daunting and difficult, it is by far the best thing in the world,” he said. His worst day sober isn’t as bad as any day when he was using. “At least I’m present for it and I know it isn’t going to last forever.”
If you need help, Orlando wants you to reach out to him. His number is 408-449-7666.
