By Christian Bumpous, MA, LPC, LMFT, CDWF
When life feels out of control, it’s easy to panic. Suddenly, the things that used to be so stable feel like they’re crumbling around us. We don’t know what to do and we feel powerless.
As a psychotherapist, I’m used to seeing people at a time in their lives when they feel most vulnerable and in pain. I’m used to sitting with people as they process a difficult loss, the end of a relationship or an overall tumultuous time in their lives. Usually, while those are undoubtedly painful things, it’s not difficult for me to sit with and help people through because it’s not me that it’s happening to. I have a different viewpoint on the situation than the client.
Therapy works best when the therapist isn’t going through the same things their client is going through. The ethical guidance is to refer someone to a different practitioner if a client’s topic into therapy is hitting too close to home.
Well, all that was upended when March 2020 hit and the world shut down. Suddenly, my clients and I were all in the same boat. Confronted with the same anxiety, worry and uncertainty as we all were glued to our screens watching the news and not leaving our houses. Referring my client to someone else… Well, were there any therapists that were not going through the world shutting down? Nope — I was going to be as good as any other practitioner. It became my job to stay grounded amidst all of the chaos. Not just for my own sake and sanity but for my clients.
While March 2022 is certainly not March 2020, we’re still in a time when a lot of things are in flux. COVID isn’t gone. But now, we have other things to contend with on top of that. At home, we are confronting inflation and paying more for almost everything. Outside our borders, we are watching what seems like the stable world order that was formed after World War II being upended in front of our eyes in Europe.
Over the past few years, my clients and I (together) learned how to stay grounded during chaotic times, and I want to share a few tips with you on what to do when things are seemingly falling apart.
First, take a deep breath. It might sound cliché, but it really does help to calm the nervous system. When we get anxious and worried, it impacts our breath (among other vitals). A shallow breath signals to the brain, “hey, there is danger, time to freak out.” Consciously pausing to take a deep breath can signal the opposite, “hey, we are breathing calmly; everything seems to be going ok.” So focusing on slowing down your breathing can lower your anxiety and worry.
Second, remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Whatever you’re going through, know that others feel the same way. You are not alone. You know the saying, “misery loves company?” Well, it’s true. When we feel connected to someone else who is going through something similar, it helps us feel not so alone and isolated.
Third, give yourself permission to have the feelings that you are having. This goes back to the idea of not judging ourselves for how we’re feeling. We can’t help but feel anxious during a pandemic or worried about the future. So rather than judging ourselves for those feelings, give yourself permission to have them and sit with them for a bit.
Fourth, focus on what you can control. When we feel like everything is out of our control, it can be helpful to focus on the things that we actually can control. This is something that I talk about a lot with my clients. For example, you can’t control whether or not COVID ends tomorrow. But you can control how you take care of yourself today. You can control what you eat, whether or not you exercise, how much water you drink, etc. Focusing on those things that we can control can help us feel a sense of empowerment and agency when so much feels out of our hands.
Finally, reach out for support. This could be in the form of professional help (i.e., therapy) or just leaning on your friends and family. We all need support, especially during tough times. So don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
When life gets tough, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, worried, and lose your footing. The truth is, I still do
sometimes. Practicing the tips in this article will not guarantee smooth sailing from now until eternity. But, if consciously practiced, they can provide a map and anchor to get you through challenging times. They certainly helped me.
ABOUT CHRISTIAN BUMPOUS
Christian Bumpous, MA, LPC, LMFT, CDWF is a licensed psychotherapist and owner of Therapie in Nashville, TN. He’s passionate about helping busy professionals get the most out of life, be it with their mental health, work, or their relationships. You can find more information on him and his practice at www.gettherapie.com.
